just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
