Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
