he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
