Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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