who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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