Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize