I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
