it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
