Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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