so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
