Tell her she can't have a vagina
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
