I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize