You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
