Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
