I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
