upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
