Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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