They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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