she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
