I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
