Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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