Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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