I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
