Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
