Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
