I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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