i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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