margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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