I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
