Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
