so explain again why im purple
no
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
