he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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