Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
