Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
