my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
