So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
