Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
