Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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