I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
