Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize