it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i now understand why vodka
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Pooping to opera.
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