My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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