You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
