would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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