I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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