she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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