Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
