Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
