I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
