So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
