My sheets look like a crime scene.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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