Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
