She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
