We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize