Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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