Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
