I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
