My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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