but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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