Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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