I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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