I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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