I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
