Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
