based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize