dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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