So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
