Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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