who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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