i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
