Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
