Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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