listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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