I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
