I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
