Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
