is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
