You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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