So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
