For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
