Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
