I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
