Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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