I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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