five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
